One day I had finally had enough and I all but begged him to open up to me. I told him we were soulmate and partners, and if he couldn't talk to me about his nerves now then he never would be able to after the wedding. I guess that finally sunk in because he was able to confide in me why he wasn't excited. I'm going to try to write this where it will make sense, but honestly he describes his feelings incredibly better than I do. Chris said that when we get married he takes on a whole new responsibility as provider of our family. I told him I'm still going to work, we'll be co-providers, and he said, but if we hit a rough patch financially, it's his fault. If we move into a house that our families don't see as appropriate, then it's his fault. He said as man of the house he will take on more responsibility and he doesn't want to disappoint anyone or have anyone see him as someone who is unable to take care of us. He wants us to be financially stable and these past couple of months have been trying. We're almost back to our regular money situation, but until I get a full-time position it's still going to be rough. Basically, his nerves pinpoint down to us being a financially stable couple as we begin our new life together as man and wife.
When you think of it that way it makes complete sense. His nervousness was making me so anxious I couldn't even sleep. I feel better about his nerves, but now I share in his nerves. I need to pull down a full time position or find another part time one that won't interfere with my job at the bank. Regardless, I need to bring home a little more than I am now. We know that money isn't everything in life and that we have more than many, but we do not want to be factioned in to the high population of marriages that divorce or have major fights due to income. We never fight as it is, and when times are tough we always make it work, but it wears you out double checking you've remembered all the bills and hoping you still have enough to buy groceries. I know we'll be back in our safety net before too long, but until then pinching pennies it is. We always come out stronger after the storm, though this isn't a storm, it is just covering all of our bases. We just want to be prepared in all aspects.
Well, I think that covers this topic for the day.
XoXo,
Tia
