Pre Wedding Nerves

So as our wedding gets closer (102 days from today) I find myself asking Chris, "Are you excited?" His answer is always the same, "No." Nothing more, nothing less. I found myself beginning to worry, is he getting cold feet, did he change his mind, is he making himself nervous? What's going on here? Everytime I would ask "Why?" His answer was usually something like "I'm not sure." 

One day I had finally had enough and I all but begged him to open up to me. I told him we were soulmate and partners, and if he couldn't talk to me about his nerves now then he never would be able to after the wedding. I guess that finally sunk in because he was able to confide in me why he wasn't excited. I'm going to try to write this where it will make sense, but honestly he describes his feelings incredibly better than I do. Chris said that when we get married he takes on a whole new responsibility as provider of our family. I told him I'm still going to work, we'll be co-providers, and he said, but if we hit a rough patch financially, it's his fault. If we move into a house that our families don't see as appropriate, then it's his fault. He said as man of the house he will take on more responsibility and he doesn't want to disappoint anyone or have anyone see him as someone who is unable to take care of us. He wants us to be financially stable and these past couple of months have been trying. We're almost back to our regular money situation, but until I get a full-time position it's still going to be rough. Basically, his nerves pinpoint down to us being a financially stable couple as we begin our new life together as man and wife.

When you think of it that way it makes complete sense. His nervousness was making me so anxious I couldn't even sleep. I feel better about his nerves, but now I share in his nerves. I need to pull down a full time position or find another part time one that won't interfere with my job at the bank. Regardless, I need to bring home a little more than I am now. We know that money isn't everything in life and that we have more than many, but we do not want to be factioned in to the high population of marriages that divorce or have major fights due to income. We never fight as it is, and when times are tough we always make it work, but it wears you out double checking you've remembered all the bills and hoping you still have enough to buy groceries. I know we'll be back in our safety net before too long, but until then pinching pennies it is. We always come out stronger after the storm, though this isn't a storm, it is just covering all of our bases. We just want to be prepared in all aspects.

Well, I think that covers this topic for the day.

XoXo,

Tia

Hot Male Nurse Calendar

January- ER nurse

February- cardiac (gotta watch that heart!)

March- med surge

April- pediatric

May- icu nurse

June- OR nurse

July- executive nurse/ DON

August- OB

September- field nurse

October- psych nurse

November- clinical

December- all together and flight nurse

January- ER Nurse- ambu bag, scope, hallway

February- cardiac nurse- red scope, red scrub bottoms, red head wrap, white shoes, dyno map behind

March- med surge nurse- seal blue scrubs, tan, feet propped on desk

April- pediatric nurse- red bottoms, white jacket with kid band aids and teddy bear, no top

May- icu nurse- vent tube wrapped around neck resting on shoulders, surg green scrubs

June- OR nurse- scrub blue, mask, open shirt

July- DON- cherry desk, scope, slacks, tie, nothing else

August- OB- lady with legs up, guy between her smiling

September- field nurse- hot car, any color scrubs, leaned back, stomach showing, bag on car

October- Psych nurse- asylum white, 4 points hanging off one hand

November- clinical nurse- white coat, open, black scrub pants, clip board

December- all and flight nurse- all others in red and green flight in jump suit half way open with helmet with chopper in background 

My Other Half

Strong and steady presence

Knowing nothing of fear

Easy going attitude

And flawless personality

No, I'm not talking about me

He's my other half,

My better half.

Just by being around

He makes me better

He calms all my fears

And knows all my secrets.

He's my other half,

My better half.

He doesn't know what he does to me,

That when I'm quiet,

I'm happy and peaceful.

He makes me at ease.

He's my other half,

My better half.

He understands my quirks,

And listens when I can't talk.

He holds me up

When I want to fall.

He's my other half,

My better half.

He loves me through and through

Even on my worse days

He doesn't mind when my cold feet

Find his warm legs late at night. 

He's my other half,

My better half.

And when I just need to cry,

He's there too,

Telling me everything will be okay,

Somehow, someway.

He's my other half, 

My better half.

He never questions my beliefs,

But challenges my opinion.

He's changed me for the better,

Never giving up on me.

He's always been my other half,

He'll always be my better half.

XoXo,

Tia

Wedding, job, and money. What do they have in common? STRESS

Dorm roll please...........the wedding date is September 20, 2014 at Sunset Hills Country Club in Carrollton, GA at 5:00 pm! Our colors are white, black, deep red, and silver. Our flower girls are my nieces Anna Grace and Allie and our honorary groomsmen are my nephews Caden and Maddox. The only way I convinced my nephew, Maddox, (he's 5) was by telling him that we have these magical sunglasses that if he puts them on he'll be invisible and no one will see him walk down the aisle. He's pretty shy in large crowds. Caden and Maddox are going to walk down the aisle wearing sunglasses with signs that say,"Uncle Chris" "here comes your girl." They're going to be ADORABLE! My dress is gorgeous and my hair dresser and I are already talking about hair ideas. Everything is going well, except, everything is so dang expensive. With me only working part time and with Chris no longer traveling for work he took a LARGE pay cut, so it's quite a stressful time. The bills are hard enough, then you add on the price of a wedding. Woah. It makes my blood pressure go up just thinking about it today. Chris got hired for a second job today, and I am looking for a second job. With me finding a second job however, I have to let my current job know so there isn't a "conflict of interest." If I found another full time job, I wouldn't be opposed to taking it because I need the hours, the stability of 40 hours, and the benefits. If I could find any way to make some extra money, I would be down for it. I just don't know what to do. I'm glad I have an outlet of writing to express my stress. I just wish I knew what to do. I've prayed and have had others pray, but I still feel unresolved. I'm excited to be marrying my best friend, but it is giving me extreme anxiety planning and paying for everything. I have to have some sort of change, so we can begin saving money. Chris's second job is PRN, which means, "as needed." I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but I have to do something. I always feel like I have an elephant sitting on my chest and butterflies in my belly. The more I think about it, the worse I feel. If I had a full time job i would feel so much better. I think this is what I have to do. It will make everything so much easier, where to look? I'm sorry to bellyache about this, when I know so many people have it worse, but this is my current situation, it is the only thing on my mind. I can't even have normal conversations without the anxiety creeping into my mind. 

Alright, that's it for now, but before I sign off, I'm just going to ask you to pray for me, or send me good thoughts and vibes. I need all that I can get.

Goodnight.

XoXo,

Tia 

New Year New Me

I have never made a New Year's Resolution, and I don't consider this one, but I am creating a food/weight log. I am going to track my weight everyday and slowly change my exercise and diet regiment. I figure this will aid in keeping weight off of me. If I try to lose a lot all at once, I'll just gain it back, and then some. I'm going to blog about my journey of getting fit, so I can come back and see my transformation. I will never post my exact weight, but instead I'll tell how much I lose. I'll tell what I've seen is working best for me, what isn't working, what exercises I perform and how my body does with them. I'm going to write about my endurance level and how it increases. I am going to change everything, and I think keeping this blog will help me.
 My friend, Lauren, has introduced me to the Paleo diet, and it's where you don't eat dairy or bread. I believe I could do that. So that is what I am going to start with. I am going to post a link to it at the bottom. The Paleo diet is basically taking your diet back to hunter and gatherer days. More proteins, fruits, vegetables, and Omega-3s and less starch, sugar, legumes, etc...

I'll keep you posted on my progress.

XoXo,
Tia

My Choice

It's my choice to live the way I want
It's my choice to go to church or to not
It's my choice to believe how I want to believe
and it's my choice to love who I want to love.

It's my choice to like or not people
It's my choice to get married
It's my choice to have children
and it's my choice to choose what I want

It wasn't your choice to make for me
It wasn't my choice for you to take MY virture
It wasn't my choice for you to take MY dignity
It wasn't my choice for any of this at all

It's my choice to pick myself up and keep
It's my choice not to be scarred by the memory
It's my choice to find love again
and it's my choice to find trust 

Hola Blogaroos

Long time, no write. I've been terribly busy and sick! Walking pneumonia + Tia = Pitiful! Anyways, I am much better now and I am here to share with each and every one of you, Holiday Angst/Anxiety. We ALL experience this EVERY year, and it never seems to get any easier, between bills, presents, outtings, and let us not forget families and shared times. I completely understand why suicide rates go up this time of year. Bills you're supposed to pay, but you don't know how. People becoming greedier by the day. Demanding families wanting more and more of your time, so between families and work and friend's holiday parties, please tell me when you will have time to sleep!? I hate spending money, so this time of the year I am sickened by how much I spend and how much everybody else spends. I want to tell parents, "No, you're already spoiled child who has a separate room for all of his/her toys, doesn't need ALL 25 toys on their list!" What happened  to worshipping the birth of Baby Jesus? He only got 3 presents (gold, frankincense, and myrhh) and HE is the savior of us sinners. Granted, his presents were expensive, but still, some parents spend way too much money. They're building unrealistic expectations for their children. Plus, when kids go back to school in January and are compaing what Santa brought all of them, some kids are going to feel that Santa plays favorites because they didn't get as much as other kids. Parents, please tell me if yall are competing with one another to buy your kids the most presents?? Oh, sure Dalton's mommy and daddy got him a 10 day vacation to Disney World, but Sophia's mommy and daddy could only afford to get her a new dolly. However, both presents come from "Santa," so will the other children think sweet little Sophia was on the naughty list because she only got one new present or was the annoying Dalton exceptionally good this year? It just doesn't make sense to spend all that money and causing yourselves so much stress. I understand wanting your child happy, but spending so much every time a holiday/birthday rolls around doesn't set them up for real life expectations. If you truly want your child to do well in life and receive meaningful presents, set them up savings accounts/cds. These gifts keep on giving and the child won't understand how meaningful of a present it is until they are older.
I am a Christian, but I hate organized religion. I don't do churches, I prefer to worship God in my own way. However, on Christmas, I feel it's appropiate to pay even more attention and yes, money, to a churches to keep on teaching the Word. I feel like children should receive 3-4 meaningful presents for Christmas instead of a hallway of presents that they're bound to foget. The fewer presents you give, the more the toys will be remembered and the more the toys will be played with. Don't get me wrong, I had a very blessed childhood, and I never wanted for much, but looking back, I don't remember many specific presents.

One more thing on my Christmas tyriade and it'll be over for the season, hopefully.

What is the craze with this stuffed, magical Elf on a Shelf?? Why are you making messes, that you'll have to clean up, and blaming it on a stuffed figure? How does it keep your children on their best behavior?? I just don't get it. I don't particularly want to becuase I don't want to imply that I care. I want to my kids to behave all year long, not just for a month, and I want them to know why we're buying them their presents, and that they're coming from us AND Santa.

Okay, I really feel that a weight has been lifted off my chest. Thanks for reading!

XoXo,
Tia